tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49265301816271005182024-03-13T00:37:32.905-07:00The Muslim Cinderella StoryHe returns with my glass slipper. Awkward moment when I'm a size 6. Bitter.Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235439559884298967noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-7375876227239578322016-08-11T11:00:00.002-07:002016-08-11T11:00:59.108-07:00Everyone Is Getting MarriedThis year has been the year of marriages. So many of my close friends have or are getting married this year and it feels like its the whole world! Maybe I just think that because ramadan took up a whole month of wedding seasons and now everyone is trying get there wedding in the last two months of summer. <span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i>Its has actually got to a point that my parents think that I have a secret boo and honestly I am flattered my parents think I am capable of having a secret boo</i></span>. Thanks for the street cred ma!<br />
<br />
I feel so happy for my friends and a bit sad because this means we are not going to hangout as much anymore. I'm sort of having a Rachel moment from Friends when she was having a meltdown about her love life. She declared she only having 2 years to get married meaning she would have to find the guy this year, be engaged for at least a year, and then married before she hit 30 that following year. Do not get me wrong I am not trying to get married at all at the moment but not knowing I have a dude secured for when I want to settle down really sucks.<br />
<br />
4 things that are better than getting married right now<br />
<br />
<b>1. Only cleaning your laundry</b><br />
One of my worst fears is having to do his laundry and finding stuff on his unmentionables.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>2. Not having to cook for a random</b><br />
This might be the best yet. By myself I just need to worry about my tummy and frankly I am more of a snacker then meal kind of gal. I eat little snacks throughout the day and maybe one quick meal. Having a man in my life would mean I have to think for two tummies when I barley think about one. I can just imagine me married going into the kitchen eating almonds coming back to the living room and offering my husband almonds just to be polite then pointing to the kitchen because truth me told I am not about going back to get you some.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Netflix and chillbyyoself</b><br />
Watch all the kdramas you can and silently crying for lee min ho. Notice me senpai notice me.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>4. No expectations</b><br />
Expect from your glaring mother who thinks that you are wasting your youth away.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>5. Bed to yourself</b><br />
Ever notice marriage is actually a downgrade? You go from having your own bed to having to share. The only thing I will be sharing my bed with is my laptop, some books and snacks that I have not gotten around to eating yet.<br />
<br />
I wish everyone would just stop getting married and hangout with me all day. Stop getting a life and stay still with me, is that so hard to ask? For Gods sake we are just children?!? Think of the children!<br />
<br />
-BSBitter.Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235439559884298967noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-47441536617188092372016-08-11T09:31:00.002-07:002016-08-11T10:11:46.035-07:00What a TimeIt's funny how things change so drastically in the past few years. Our perspectives, our goals and our amazing taste in fashion. We taken a long hiatus from this blog because so many things have happened in all our lives and this blog was one of the last things that was on our minds. We have grown a lot we are still friends but our perspectives have definitely changed. I feel like we were once these cute little girls and now we are like these grown grungy women with raspy voices sipping on alcohol saying to any girl who comes our way for advice"<i>we seen and experienced things</i>".<br />
<br />
Well I am back to share some wisdom and what I want to say is screw cinderella I want to be Mulan.<br />
-BS<br />
<br />Bitter.Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235439559884298967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-78042940453836013222013-12-29T15:31:00.000-08:002014-01-18T18:26:44.606-08:00New Years Resolutions: Half Your Deen... No Your Other Half<div>
<br /></div>
I am not sure about you ladies but us three pretty much LOVE fairy tales. Now most of us dream about the day we will get married to that Mr.Right and everything will be perfect. Or want him to appear right away. Some girls are actively searching while others are just waiting for him to appear. Not only must you be emotionally and mentally ready for marriage, you must have at least have some sort of foundation. I do not mean cooking/cleaning (which is important too, but easy to learn).<br />
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<i>While chasing for half your deen, don't forget the other half.</i><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If you are having trouble praying on time or praying at all you shouldn't be thinking about marriage just yet! Work on perfecting your salah. We are not perfect, but there is always room for improvement somewhere in our life. Sometimes we are so worked up about getting married we forget we should focus on ourselves first. Not only will working on ourselves benefit us in the long run, it will also help us keep our minds off marriage like if you cannot get married yet due to many factor that I do not want to guess. I complied small list of things we can work on in the meantime. Just a reminder<b> remember to keep the right intentions</b>. Please do no make intentions of doing your prayers for your husband or anything like that make sure you are doing this to please Allah swt only :)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Here we go:</b></div>
<div>
[ ] Praying on time <a href="http://productivemuslim.com/start-here/">http://productivemuslim.com/start-here/</a></div>
<div>
[ ] Memorizing <i>x</i> amount of number of the Quran and the meaning</div>
<div>
[ ] Stop listening to music</div>
<div>
[ ] Improve Manners </div>
<div>
[ ] Eat healthier (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbmL9Pm0BiE">This can be hard. Try preparing you meal a head of time</a>)</div>
<div>
[ ] Exercise (<a href="http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/10_minute_trainer.do">10 Minute Trainer</a> try exercising 10 minutes a day)</div>
<div>
[ ] Learn some new stuff </div>
<div>
[ ] Attend Sister Halaaqas once a week</div>
<div>
[ ] Save money ( If you are finished school and are working currently save for Ummrah or hajj)</div>
<div>
[ ] Donate ( Make it a habit, have a jar in your house or room and put a dollar daily or spare change)</div>
<div>
[ ] Watch less t.v, movies, Netflix, anime, Bollywood, Korean dramas, talking on the phone etc/</div>
<div>
[ ] Learn to cook ( You think I wouldn't mention this)</div>
<div>
[ ] Learn to be a efficient in house keeping. This can be organizing your home, start from your room. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What a friend and I like to do is compete, it makes things more fun. We are more likely to get things done. TELL PEOPLE. Tell people you are going to do a certain task because if you tell people you are more likely to do it.<i><b> </b></i></div>
<div>
<i><b>Be the best you, you can be!</b></i> </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Remember that after marriage you wont change, but your marriage status. You wont suddenly the best version of you, it comes work and commitment even after marriage. </div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b>Fun Tidbit:</b> Apparently it take 21 days consistently doing something to become a habit!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>-BitterSweet </i></div>
<div>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div>
<i>Do not forget your intentions :)</i><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Bitter.Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235439559884298967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-58021111148370421062013-07-22T12:39:00.002-07:002013-07-22T15:43:16.282-07:00Dating vs Marriage (part 2) Your out to buy a used car. You arrive at the dealership place, only to fall in love with a specific car. The car however is out of your price range and the only way you could afford it is to take some sort of loan. Something that in the beginning you said would be "out of the question for you."<br />
<br />
The car dealer says to you: <b>"Go ahead take it for a spin." </b><br />
<br />
At that point, you decide <b>"Okay, I guess I'll test it out see if I like it or not."</b><br />
<br />
Getting into the car, you touch the leather seats, play with the radio, glance at the mirrors and you start to feel yourself weakening in your initial decision.<br />
<br />
The car dealer's main interest is getting you to buy the car. He doesn't care what happens to you after the sale is complete. It's no longer his business.<br />
<br />
His reasoning for letting you take the car out for a test-drive wasn't so that you'll make a rational, logic decision, but rather an emotional one. As you sit in that car, you are no longer thinking about its price, or how much debt you will be in, or how loan's involve interest and interest is haram. None of that compares to the feeling in your heart as you sit behind that wheel.<br />
<br />
The reason why Allah (swt) makes dating haram, is because there is no "test-drive," period. A test drive doesn't allow for one, to make a rational decision. Though it may appear rational on the outside, it's actually an emotional decision being made for "in the moment." Because all that matters at that moment is how you feel.<br />
<br />
<b>Male: </b>I like you. I want to be with you.<br />
<br />
<b>Female: </b>Okay!<br />
<br />
What he's isn't saying is...<br />
<br />
<b>Male:</b> I like you enough, to just take you out for a spin, but can't afford to talk to your dad as I am not ready for commitment.<br />
<br />
<b>Female:</b> Okay!<br />
<br />
When most people go to a car dealership, and realize they can't afford the car they "love" they usually drop it, as reality hits them.<br />
<br />
The same, happens in today's society.<br />
<br />
<b>Female:</b> When are you going to marry me?<br />
<br />
<b>Male:</b> Sorry I don't love you anymore. Don't worry you will find someone better than me.<br />
<br />
What he's really saying is...<br />
<br />
<b>Male:</b> I can't afford to do this right now, but the test-ride was fun while it lasted. On to the next one I guess.<br />
<br />
<br />
The funny thing is in both of these situations, usually we go into it knowing what we already want. For example, the person walked into the doors of dealership, knowing what he/she could actually afford and that taking a loan out was out of the question.<br />
<br />
Yet when the individual walked in, and after the car dealer whispered a couple of words, to play with his heart, everything he/she had first decided on prior to that meeting flew out the window.<br />
<br />
You may be with somebody who is actually completely incompatible, but you are blinded by the emotions you feel, and the whispers of Shaytaan will push you towards an emotional decision, rather than a rational one.<br />
<br />
Like the car dealer, Shaytaan doesn't care about what happens to you after the sale goes through. His only mission is to make sure you commit haram, and whatever consequences that comes after that is none of his concern.<br />
<br />
Allah (swt) has set these limits so you that you are serious about who you let into your heart/life. This isn't a game. This isn't a test-drive. This is your heart, and you have take better care of it by using your <u><b>brain</b></u> to decide.<br />
<br />
<br />
Salams,<br />
<br />
xxComplicationsxx<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-63156536101656369672013-06-15T13:33:00.001-07:002013-06-15T13:33:19.977-07:00The Wisdom of Allah (swt) Ahmad and Sarah were just friends. They were both studying the same major in university, and worked together in the Muslim Student Association. They would meet up sometimes to either study or plan events. Though they both knew it was looked down upon to hang out with the opposite gender, the two thought they're case was different. They're relationship was special. They were just friends. Nothing haram happened between each other. They never touched, or flirted. They just joked and talked. Simple. Nothing haram happening here.<br />
<br />
A year went by, and the two continued to enjoy each other's company.<br />
<br />
Only one day, Sarah told Ahmad she had a proposal from another guy. And she was considering it.<br />
<br />
Suddenly Ahmad's heart stopped. "What?" he cried. "You're looking to get married?"<br />
<br />
"Yes!" Sarah said happily.<br />
<br />
Ahmad went home that night feeling miserable. It suddenly dawned on him, that he had feelings for Sarah. Where these feelings developed from he had no idea. He loved the way she smiled, the way she laughed at his jokes, the way she teased him innocently, and how she was also so focused.<br />
<br />
She was perfect.<br />
<br />
But she wasn't his. She couldn't be his. They were just friends!<br />
<br />
It was at this point he realized: "There is no such thing as "just friends."<br />
<br />
Someone, always get's hurt.<br />
<br />
In this case.. it was Ahmad. "I can't live without her," he wailed to his friends. Funny how, only after realizing that he was going to lose her did he realize she wasn't his in the first place. Nor will she ever be his.<br />
<br />
Allah (swt) banned building relationships before marriage exactly for this reason. Whether it was intended or not intended, when dealing with members of the opposite gender, there is always a possibility- a chance- where you can get hurt.<br />
<br />
You could spend a year getting to know someone, only to realize that it won't work and then when you leave them you suffer emotional withdrawal.<br />
<br />
<b>Emotional withdrawal</b>: the phase where you miss the feelings that person brought you. The smiling for no reason, the fast pumping of your heart, the quick intake of breath you have when you see them. The sound your phone makes when you receive a message from them. You miss that feeling. You suddenly may not even remember why you left this person or why it didn't work out.<br />
<br />
Sometimes people make the mistake of going back. Telling themselves lies and excuses to run back and make it work with that person.<br />
<br />
ex. <b>"You may never find someone like him/her again." </b><br />
<br />
The truth is you won't. And that's actually a good thing. Because if you find someone exactly like them again, then the result is the same. It won't work.<br />
<br />
The smiling for no reason, the heart pumping, the adrenaline rush--- these are just emotions. You'll feel those again someday. You will. Its normal.<br />
<br />
But finding the right person<b> to feel that way about</b> is the hard part.<br />
<br />
Allah (swt) is saving you from the heartbreak, the waste of time, the effort, the emotional withdrawal. He wants you to save your heart for the right person who will bring you closer to Him.<br />
<br />
Be patient my friend. Don't waste time, on building relationships that only end with a roadblock and an empty heart.<br />
<br />
Salams,<br />
<br />
xxComplicationsxx<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-26998538179598927592013-04-28T18:00:00.001-07:002013-04-28T18:00:37.411-07:00The cure to being lonely Its natural for humans to want to have someone in their life to love them and cherish them. Its something Allah (swt) imbedded within all humans. Ask anyone what it's like being single and they'll say <b>"man.. Mr.Lonely is my theme song right about now." </b><br />
<br />
I think though what is a huge mistake, is when we let that feeling of loneliness consume us. It spreads all over our hearts, till we feel this huge void. That void affects our confidence, and this visible through different ways.<br />
<br />
Take that girl for instance on Facebook or Instagram who is constantly trying to gain compliments through her likes, and comments. She wants to feel loved.<br />
<br />
Take that girl for instance who eats her loneliness away through food which is where the phrase "comfort food" is derived from.<br />
<br />
Take that girl for instance who ends up telling herself that the reason she is alone is because she is indeed ugly.<br />
<br />
All these examples I've mentioned can lead to a dangerous path. In the end its almost a desperateness. A cry for help. You can allow your pride to deny it all you want. Or you face the facts.<br />
<br />
I for one have been there. All those examples I've mentioned? Yup. Been there. Done that.<br />
<br />
There comes a point in time where you gotta ask yourself? My heart. Why does my heart feel like this? Will having another person help solve this void?<br />
<br />
HELL NO.<br />
<br />
Girl, you are barely grasping your own emotions. How are you going to add another person into your life? You don't use fire to take out a fire!! Another person has their own emotions, their own problems and you wanna bear all that?<br />
<br />
Today I am going to tell you..yes YOU, how to solve that emptiness.<br />
<br />
Its nothing magical. Nothing crazy. Heck it doesn't even require a lot of work if you have the right mindset.<br />
<br />
Pray.<br />
<br />
Your heart isn't crying out for another man. Your heart isn't crying out to feel loved. Your heart is crying out for its Creator. The longer you deny your heart that right, the lonelier you will feel.<br />
<br />
You can't understand what love is until you know the One who created it in the first place. It just doesn't make sense.<br />
<br />
Love can't be studied in a book. It can't be grasped by watching a documentary. It can't be held and observed like an tangible object. Its an emotion of the heart, and your trying to find it in places it wasn't meant to be found.<br />
<br />
Allah made your heart. Allah made love. Allah made you. Allah loves you, more than your own mother, more than any being on this earth and beyond that.<br />
<br />
Love Allah, consistently and you will never feel lonely again. I guarantee that.<br />
<br />
Simple.<br />
<br />
xxcomplicationsxx<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-37181633600059284622013-03-02T19:08:00.001-08:002013-03-03T09:58:21.857-08:00My WorriesMarriage can be a beautiful thing. Women and men being life partners. Being each others other half essentially. I have never been in a relationship before with the opposite sex. Relationships with your family where there is unconditional love is different right? I can never Imagine loving someone let alone romantically. Even though the love between husband and wife is different, from what I hear, it actually sounds very far fetch to me. Don't get me wrong I want it, I just don't know if it's in me. <br />
<br />
The farthest I ever felt was a 'crush'. Any guy that I had a crush on to be honest they were practically fictional. For example I liked this guy in my grade 11 class but I soon realized I didn't like him at all. I actually just made it up in my head, his personality, character and everything. <br />
Another issue I have is that I might be a commitment-phobe. I have never had a phone contract for more than two years! Plus the type of guys I like vary after a few years . What if something I like at 2013 is not what I like in 2020? My opinions change a lot and I am scared to make any permanent decisions. I am 19. What I want at 19 is it truly what I want at 25? :s<br />
<br />
Anyways, do you guys have any fears relating to marriage? Bitter.Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235439559884298967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-55592553318485179542013-01-12T23:33:00.001-08:002013-01-13T07:55:28.836-08:00Yasmin's Corner: Holding an Unfamiliar HandYou meet someone whom your mind takes to rapidly. It doesn't work out between you two but you can't seem to get over him. You just can't accept the pretext or other justifiable causes. You mull over your options, alternatively, your pride won't let you initiate any contact. But it's your fear of letting yourself feel vulnerable. You do everything within your jurisdiction to have him notice your presence and hope he caves first. <br />
<br />
But you feel pathetic and petty. So you stop and pour the white wine on the floor while telling yourself "R.I.P" It's gunna be O.K. Chances are he isn't even your "true love". You disregard any code of behaviour when you know he's "the one". You'll move on. Not all on your own. You'll start to forget about him when you meet a new male. My world revolved around my 9th grade crush. Believe me! 6 years later, my taste developed along with my life. <br />
<br />
Just understand that you give your power over to him the more you obsess about him. Yes, keep on clinging on to him. That's normal. But don't ignore the chance to move forward. Especially when you're pseudo-clinging. No, that's sad lol. You were fine before you knew he existed, and you'll sure as hell be fine after he's not in the picture. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-31776857073631433802013-01-07T12:35:00.001-08:002013-01-07T12:35:09.186-08:00Expectations.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">Why do we expect males to understand us on an emotional level?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-m-GcWdJqwpQ/UOsxS6Nsw2I/AAAAAAAABZw/8Gv4tnEGkFI/s1600/tumblr_m0be21xxZV1qdcx8yo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-m-GcWdJqwpQ/UOsxS6Nsw2I/AAAAAAAABZw/8Gv4tnEGkFI/s1600/tumblr_m0be21xxZV1qdcx8yo1_500.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.tumblr.com/">(source)</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's interesting, females complain about males being "hot and cold". Females complain that they want a man to "get you". Drop the hopes and dreams. You'll meet a male who you can talk all day to and will be </span>adequately<span style="font-family: inherit;"> responsive. You'll meet males who don't really say much and don't understand the concept of "emotionally connecting". Most males fall in to the latter subgroup. It doesn't mean that they're tactless or clueless or "not right for you". It just means that you might have to look at things from his perspective.</span></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-90710050443284816122013-01-05T12:01:00.000-08:002013-01-05T12:05:33.936-08:00Yasmin's Corner: Nada<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Nada had it all. It was no secret. Anyone associated with her knew it too. Her creativeness was to thank for her head turning style. Even as a Mohajaba her looks had brothers canoeing down the river of sin. She was beautiful with a body to kill for. She was that female with her hand raised in class answering questions that made its challenge level look like child's play. Despite her social status her head was in the clouds, dreaming of the day she could finally wear her white dress and tell her husband she promises to love him for better or worse. In her final year of high school that dream became a reality. A suitor proposed to her with his credentials in check: graduated from the city's top University with honors in Biochemistry. He was set to enter medical school this upcoming fall. All he needed now was for Nada to say yes and his life was complete. Her mother was ecstatic at the news calling all her friends and inviting them to a wedding that hadn't been set up. Her father, with a grim expression, asked Nada to reconsider. He had the funds for her to enter a University hoping that she would graduate in a couple of years with a degree that would take her places. <i>"What was the point?"</i> she thought. She'd be popping out children anyway, right? She politely declined her father's offer. Did she need to study the laws of thermodynamics when her husband would be giving her a limitless VISA card? She didn't think so. Her father persuaded her to reconsider. She could still be married and pursue an education. Children were a gift of God, it wasn't a promised matter. A trivial matter like that should not hold up a girl who's potential could soar through the universe. Her best friends envied her each secretly hating how lucky her life turned out to be while they had to fend for themselves in a cruel unforgiving world. They praised her for not having to worry about finding a husband, that she was extremely lucky to be a young mother. She didn't have to sleep lonely nights without shedding a tear because everybody was getting married while she was not. She was now one of the masses. Wedding day came and it was just as she imagined it, if not better. Her husband looked handsome in his suit while she was breath taking in her white lace dress. They looked into each others eyes, imaging the world of possibilities between them. Everybody around her smiled wholeheartedly, happy for the girl who now had it all. Eventually, her friends went back to school each pursuing a degree in their preferred fields. They caught up with each other often talking about their lives, gossip, and weekend getaways. They were also planning a party, celebrating the pregnancy of their dear friend Nada. They sat there throwing out names at random for her future boy or girl. Time came and left. Her husband was now a family practitioner and Nada was now a mother to a handsome three year old boy. She was also pregnant, hoping to give birth to a girl. Meanwhile, her friends were finishing up their undergraduate's. Each hopefully pursuing a spot in Law school, Dentistry, Medical school, and even teachers College. Aisha the future Barrister was now engaged to a brother from Tunisia. One by one these girls were all next in line to celebrate their engagements. Nada was all happy for her friends, but she felt a tinge of bitterness, a voice in her head told her that could have been <i>her</i>. She could have been married to her husband and pursue a career. In fact she was sure that she would have held a prestigious rank in a bank by now. Though it was too late she was now 25 and her life had already moved on. She had responsibilities as a mother. Surely she couldn't dwell on the past? But poor Nada, that was all that consumed her. The once loving wife now became bitter, she hated her husband for proposing to her earlier than he should have. Didn't he have the decency to wait? He took the brunt of her worst, never uttering a sentence that could cause her to explode. Instead he stayed away from their home, now almost a stranger to his wife and children. The jealousy of her friends lives drove her to taste blood in her mouth, biting her tongue when she heard they were taking maternity leave to give birth to their child. Still, she smiled giving the customary congratulations, buying baby clothes when ever the occasion called. One afternoon Nada was sitting beside her husband with his arm over her seeking to comfort her. She was trembling uncontrollably her eyes red from crying. She was tired, unimaginatively tired. Her kids demanded so much from her and sometimes she couldn't give them what they wanted. Her husband only demanded one thing, but she would rather die than give him what he wanted. He was concerned with the future of her and their children, but his choice was final. He wanted a divorce. But at that moment Nada wasn't crying because of a silly signature on a paper. She was crying because she should have listened to her father all those years ago. Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.</div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-11583123603598603502013-01-02T21:52:00.000-08:002013-01-03T08:01:13.749-08:00Yasmin's Corner: The Best Is Yet To Come<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-style: italic; line-height: 19px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"You can’t expect to find the right someone until you know who you are, what matters to you, and what makes your heart happy."</span></span></blockquote>This is the essence of a life partner. I cringe at the thought of making that decision at 22 or 23. Who you are at 19 isn't who you will be at 23, and who you are at 23 will not be whom you become at 26. Most importantly what makes my heart happy today, will force my past to haunt me. I always wonder whether I will be happy spending my life with another individual? Will I have room to welcome this person to share my life, know my secrets, have access to me at my most exposed moment both physically and emotionally. Am I ready to open myself up to this person? You have to trust this individual with your life.<br />
<br />
Some females believe that the man they want to associate themselves with is just there to have around and do recreational activities with. They're comforted with this individual because someone finally believes she's beautiful. This is their cuddle muffin, the individual that believes she can do no wrong, and the individual that proves they were worth something. Some females aren't exposed to the opposite sex, they aren't socially calibrated to understand that he cannot give them the inner happiness they truly seek. Some females throw their hearts to any man who walks by hoping that he can do something with it that she can't. When will these women realize that he's more clueless about her heart than she is? No one can take better care of their own heart than they can (unless life were like Pokemon, handing over your heart to the PokeCenter every time it gets hurt).<br />
<br />
It took me a long time to understand an individual is the own key to his or her own happiness. Females allow the words of a deadbeat to make her smile. Females allow themselves to associate with abusive male counterparts.<br />
<br />
What I wonder is, when will a females mind change? What makes her happy today might not make her smile tomorrow. At 20 years old will I be able to allow what constitutes as my husband? At 15 I wrote a list of what type of male I would allow in my life. What was interesting about that list is that it made more sense than a list of criteria I wrote at 17. Now, at 19 I cannot relate to either one because I don't know what I want. As a human develops, new knowledge cancels out old knowledge. However, it doesn't mean old knowledge isn't better for oneself. This brings out the question of how well do you know yourself?<br />
</div>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-51175667869399797052012-12-27T16:04:00.002-08:002012-12-27T16:07:51.671-08:00Dating Vs Marriage (part 1) I was in the middle of a three way telephone conversation with two girls I know. I'm not going to call them friends, but that's a different story. Anyway, one of them began talking about some girl we all know who had recently got engaged.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Out of the three us, I was the only one who thought <b>"Mashallah!"</b> </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The other two had a negative outlook on marriage. "Why would you want to get tie down ?" Girl A said. The other girl (Girl B) replied in disgust "We're honestly too young to know what love is,"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Clearly these two were more pro-dating than marriage. Keep in mind they are both muslim girls. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
By defending marriage, I was defending myself, since I had always been pro-marriage. Instead I was made fun of. Not so intelligently either. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>"Shut up, you want to marry the first guy you date!" </b>Girl A said while laughing.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>Okay.... </i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The girl that said this to me, is currently in a relationship with a guy. The guy in question has casually mentioned many times about their future together. Talking about marriage and kids. This freaks Girl A out immensely. She called me once, her voice all panicky. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Girl A: <b>"Omg xxcomplicationsxx you have got to help me!" </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: <b>"What happened? What's wrong?" </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Girl A: <b>"R (the boyfriend) is getting too serious." </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: <b>Okaaaay.... what do you mean? </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Girl A: <b>"He keeps bringing up marriage talks." </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: <b>"Isn't that a good thing?" </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Girl A: <b>"No! I'm not ready for marriage! I don't want to get married now. I am too young! Besides I don't see a future with him. He is not my future husband!" </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: <b>"How do you know this?" </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Girl A: <b>"He's too boring." </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: <b>"Then why are you with him?" </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Girl A: <b>"I like him don't get me wrong. Like I like him a lot but he's not the ONE." </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: <b>"Sorry I still don't get it. Then WHY are you with him?"</b> </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Girl A: <b>"I like him. He makes me feel comfortable." </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Me: <b>....... right. </b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can't even begin to tell how you how much that conversation bothered me. This girl was with this guy only because she felt comfortable and because she liked him. Meanwhile this guy was with this girl because he saw her as a part of his future. Someone was going to get hurt, and ironically it isn't the girl this time.<br />
<br />
For the past year or so, I've studied everything with regards to marriage, relationships, zinaa, love etc etc. Being the nerd I am I decided to seek answers through books. I also observed people and their relationships.<br />
<br />
Growing up I wasn't fond of marriage. I saw the relationship of my parents with one another and I didn't see anything that was in the movies. No tenderness when they looked at one another. My parents were just two people living in the same house and that was it. Their kids are what brought them together. I didn''t know if my mom loved my dad or if my dad loved my mom because I couldn't see it. No flirting, no hugging, not even a salam alaykum in the morning. "If this was what marriage looked like forget it," I thought.<br />
<br />
My parents told me dating was haram in Islam. That there was only marriage. This bothered me because dating made sense at the time. How could I marry someone I did not know?<br />
<br />
Dating gave you time to get to know one another before you got married.<br />
<br />
Or at least, that's what they say.<br />
<br />
I've realized a couple things about dating vs marriage. With dating, there is no responsibility. Sure you get to know the person, and this is observed through not only the emotional but the physical as well. At the end of the day however, each person of the dating relationship can break up and leave at whatever time after realizing something that they disliked about the other person. "He's too boring." Girl A had said. She'd realized she wanted someone more adventurous and spontaneous and instead of ending things with him she decides to drag out things along further because she doesn't want to disturb the comfortable lifestyle she has with him. She also doesn't want to miss him, because yes she is infatuated with him but she knows in heart, that will fade.<br />
<br />
People like to use dating as a means to "get to know one another." That really isn't the case at all. Dating is really having all the physical benefits that you'd find in a marriage minus the responsibility a wife has to her husband or a husband has with his wife. Sure said boyfriend may pay for your dinner, but eventually he doesn't have to. He may think <b>"screw it. I don't have to do this all the time. I don't even like her that much. On to the next girl."</b> While the girl cries and cries and wonders what happened? <i>"I thought he loved me."</i><br />
<br />
No. He wanted you. He didn't LOVE you.<br />
<br />
If he loved you, he'd have the courage to tell your dad. He'd have the guts to make you his permanetly forever and always. He'd take the responsibility that comes with being a husband. Everyone knows how serious the word husband is compared to "boyfriend."<br />
<br />
I think that's why people get so scared at the idea of marriage. <b>"Oh man.. this means I have to actually put in work. That I have to be serious. That there is no more searching or wondering... That this is the last person I'll ever be with." </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Young people, primarily in their teen years don't really want to do this. Their objective is <b>"lets have some fun." </b><br />
<br />
The thing you have to realize is, you gotta take relationships seriously. Otherwise they don't only waste time, they hurt people. Not just emotionally but physically. Imagine you've just given up your virginity to a fool who never really cared about you in the first place. The only way you could have avoided this is if you had been serious about who you let see what. A boyfriend who could easily walk away from you tomorrow and I feel like more people should keep that in mind.<br />
<br />
No I'm not cynical. I'm being realistic.<br />
<br />
The argument against marriage is <b>"well I don't know him that well, and I need to date him first to know if he's the one for me." </b><br />
<br />
That has got to be the biggest lie ever. What they really saying is <b>"I need to taste-test him first."</b><br />
<br />
This is human being we're talking about. Not a fruit. Have some respect for the individual and yourself. You want to get to know him? Do so in a environment where there is no room for physical intimacy. You don't need to kiss someone to know if they're a right fit. Everyone can sleep around and feel passion. We all have the same body and the same hormones at work. However very few people can touch your heart, mind, and soul without even meaning to.<br />
<br />
A girl asked me once, <b>"What if your husband is a bad kisser?" </b><br />
<br />
The question is one I get frequently and my response will be the same, <b>"How will I know if I've never kissed anyone else in the first place?" </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I feel like when people date, they become desensitized to the feeling of having a first. I remember this one girl, got seriously jealous when she realized her boyfriend had been with previous girls while he was her first.<br />
<br />
Then there are those, who are with so many guys, they kind of get lost in the sea of them. What I always wonder is, how do they know they've found the one if at the beginning of all their previous failed relationships it always felt the same.<br />
<br />
Meet said guy. Like said guy. Date said guy.---- then there is the inevitable: They either last or they don't.<br />
<br />
How do you find the one in such a system? You can't tell because it always started out the same way!<br />
<br />
It makes no sense.<br />
<br />
Its not to say that within marriage, you will find a happily ever after. Cinderella failed to show us what happened 3 months later.<br />
<br />
But with any relationship, instead of throwing it away when it is broken you should try your hardest to fix it.<br />
<br />
With dating, you know that the relationship may or not be serious enough to last till marriage. You can usually tell after being with the person for more than a month or so. There flaws start to show and you can tell if you're willing to tolerate them or not. Most people like I said become desensitized because of they're previous failed relationships so they're expectations are not so high.<br />
<br />
This is where the problems are. Low expectations for self, and for partner= a not so great relationship.<br />
<br />
You get what you deserve. That's how I shall end this post.<br />
<br />
<br />
Inshallah they're will be a part two this rambling session. I don't even know what I am saying at this point. I feel like I just shoved all my thoughts into this one post, but hopefully it made sense for you guys.<br />
<br />
<br />
Salams,<br />
<br />
xxcomplicationsxx<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-10460696985378435172012-12-07T10:59:00.000-08:002013-01-13T12:49:07.897-08:00Yasmin's Corner: I'm Yasmin<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Out of the four women that contribute to this blog, I'm the newest edition. I'm probably opposite but very similar to the ladies you'll find here. At first I was just supporting my friends' idea, one text later I'm a co-blogger.<br />
<br />
I'm a 19 year old 2nd year Management student. I'm not looking for Mr.Right anytime soon. So you won't see me posting about any journey to marriage. That'll begin during my mid-to-late twenties.<br />
<br />
I was in a relationship a few times.<br />
I couldn't settle with either one of them.<br />
<br />
However, I'd be lying to you if I told you they didn't shape my life. I found this out through my relationships with each of them. Through the stories of my appalling mistakes and a few wins, you'll figure yourself out. Maybe I'll perpetually change a few minds, maybe I'll have my mind changed.<br />
<br />
So stick around and enjoy.<br />
<br />
<br />
Hugs and kisses,<br />
<br />
Yasmin.</div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-88406746871630921632012-11-25T01:11:00.001-08:002012-11-25T01:13:40.949-08:00Are You Attracting The Right Guy?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do I always attract the wrong guys? Why can't I get a decent Muslim guy, instead of players, creeps, and some fobby guy who constantly wants to 'frandship me' on Facebook?"</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Every Muslim girl has pondered over the possible answers to these questions, whether by simply asking her own self, or in the form of a complaint as she sadly leans on the shoulder of her friend while eating out of a box of chocolates. Don't worry, your're not the only girl who suddenly gains calories after giving yourself the title "Forever Alone".</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What conclusions are usually drawn concerning this issue? Of course, there are always those girls who will whine, "I'm not as pretty as the other girls" or "I'm too fat/skinny". Most girls are so quick to find faults within themselves if their crush doesn't pay attention to them. Woah, slow down there speed racer, and stop jumping to conclusions! There are several problems with these assumptions:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">a) If he doesn't like you solely based on these superficial reasons, he's not even worth your time or consideration.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">b) If a guy you like doesn't show interest in you for some reason, accept it and move on. It obviously wasn't meant to be.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">c) It's insecurities like these that will completely damage your self-esteem and ruin your prospects of finding a decent man. Be careful, and have a little faith.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But seriously, the single answer to these questions is very simple, although we may not think it is. If you're looking for the perfect man, there is only one solution to this, and that is: <b>be the perfect woman! </b>You may have heard it before, but have you <i>really</i> thought about it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let me break it down for you. Let's suppose you want to marry a practicing Muslim brother. You know, one with a nice Sunnah beard, lowered gaze, got that miswaak swag, beautiful reciting voice, and all that jazz. Now let me ask you, what do you think his standards will be like when searching for a wife? Without a doubt, he would want to marry a woman whose level of eman is equivalent (if not higher) to his. You simply cannot expect to marry a brother like this if you barely pray, wear skin-tight clothes, and have Kim Kardashian as your role model. I don't mean to offend, but if you fall under any of those categories, then you, my friend, need a serious reality check. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Marriage is a serious business. You can't just go through life, expecting Mr. Right to fall from the sky if you aren't willing improve yourself (well technically you can, but you will be heavily disappointed). If your level of eman is lower than the earth's core, the type of men you will attract will most likely be the same. Similarly, when your eman is high, the right man will find you, inshaAllah, and actually be serious about spending his life with you by completing half his deen!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another important thing to note is, never enter a relationship thinking your husband will change you and somehow magically make you more "religious". Yes, he can certainly help, but only to a certain extent. Keep this ayah in mind: <i>Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves (Qur'an, Surat Ar-Ra'd, verse 11). </i>You are in charge of yourself. You have to make the effort.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In short, be a good Muslim if you want to marry a good Muslim. Remember, <b>"If you want a Muhammad, you've got to be a Khadijah."</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And Allah knows best.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Your sister in Islam,</span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">- moonlitdesert</span></i></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-28754908494308233762012-11-14T13:47:00.000-08:002012-11-14T13:47:08.473-08:00Why Do Girls Compromise The Wrong things?<b>Why do people compromise the good qualities when it comes too their other half?</b><br /><br />Have you ever notice when people are single they usually have an idea of their perfect spouse. For most Muslim girls it is a practicing brother. Yeah we all say we want that practicing brother with that great heart who will help us improve, but when it comes down to it most girls just settle for less. How many times has a similar scenario happen to me.<br /><br />Friend: BITTER.SWEET BABE, Hawty Mc Hot Hot (Okay so they don't actually call me that)<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yes, my lovely awesome friend?<br /><br /><b>Friend:</b> Guess what, I met a guy.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b>No way! Tell me about him<br /><br /><b>Friend:</b> He is so amazing bitter.sweet. He is down to earth, you know but...<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> O.O But what?<br /><br /><b>Friend:</b> He occasionally drinks... But only a social drinker!<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Oh but... he drinks.<br /><br /><b>Friend:</b> Yeah I know, but he is so amazing Bitter.sweet<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> *Tries to reason to friend but she doesn't really listen.<br /><br />You and me both know that this guy is someone we should not pursue. It doesn't only have to be drinking it can be some many other factors. These flaws are basically signals telling us not to continue. To the people who fall in "love" these flaws become so insignificant, they are blinded by the feelings they feel. The worst part is, after the magical feeling has simmered down, they realized that there has been a lot of time that has been wasted investing on the person... Regret.<br /><br />Something I like to do to rule someone out is to ask myself <i>"Is this the guy I want to be that father to my children"</i> if no I walk away. I also think to myself <i>"Would the women of Jannah be doing this?" </i>If the answer once again is no, please. Please. Walk. Away.<br /><br />Blindly falling your heart will not be worth it in the long wrong. You will only end up with<br />
1) A Heart broken<br />
2) An awful marriage<br />
3) Time Wasted<br />
Even worse all three. Please, please, PLEASE do not lower your standards, but also try keep your standards achievable and realistic.<br /><br />I wish you princesses the best of luck.<br /><br /> <i>-Bitter.Sweet</i><br /><br />-<br />Bitter.Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235439559884298967noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-71629904252087982112012-11-13T23:46:00.001-08:002012-11-13T23:46:12.572-08:00Split Personality || Awkward As The Sex talk! I don't know why people feel the need to change themselves just so they get the attention of the opposite sex. If you have to change yourself in anyway just so you can please him/her then trust me when I say its not worth it.<br />
The thing about me is that I do not change my personality to have a guy like me, or to get his attention. Matter of fact I have trouble being myself. I am unable to be myself in front of others and I I do I not know feel comfortable. When I'm with my friends I can be myself and I will not give two cents about how I act or what comes out of my mouth.<br />
When I have to talk to the opposite sex, unlike me talking to my friends, I actually have to think about what I say. Which makes me feel incredibly awkward. I feel very aware of myself. Its so exhausting that to the point that I just want to stop talking. To the point my exhausted brain will run out of things to say, which also makes me feel even more incredibly awkward. Compare this awkward feeling to that moment where you and your parents have the sex talk....NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT3Wuj6uxsLoFgsG4PZdJAeGdv3eBSAhWutVKNXLNgKRhR93lGk" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT3Wuj6uxsLoFgsG4PZdJAeGdv3eBSAhWutVKNXLNgKRhR93lGk" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">your face...</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ1E_1wXM7FR_mxo3JMEdn5vXLGkK6NpZ2572DRauJE8ScunQ296A" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ1E_1wXM7FR_mxo3JMEdn5vXLGkK6NpZ2572DRauJE8ScunQ296A" width="149" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
From all that mental exhausting conversation, I either come off stern as a bully, or I become the one-answer type of person....you know, the people that you have to ask them a million question just so you can have the conversation keep going. The problem is that I either go to one extreme to the next extreme. I am unable find a common ground. Why can't I just be myself, the person that doesn't care about what other people think about her? The weird part is that I don't know why I act this way. It is not that they intimidate me or that I have lived under a rock and have no clue how to communicate with the "guy" species. All I do know is I need to work on my communication skills with the opposite gender. <br />
<br />
Even though I have my flaws, I do not feel I need to transform into a "better" Muslim ( Being fake just to please the guy) or go all wild just so they can get the attention of the opposite gender. Just be true to yourself and if a person does not think that is good enough, then that person is unworthy of your time. Remember, the person that your meant to be with will love just the way you are. Keep in mind that everything that is suppose to happen is already written, so don't change yourself for someone else's attention. Just try to be the best person you can be and Insha'Allah things will work out.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbPafIjc8CGovnMszFtk7vWVCDBK2jM33uX4YfVMXQWGlT04iP5CcYHOh8EFucvWnunG-radzehIp-219AccNB2LzVj3JD0Tv84LA-HyV0jkYhfr6vPUqselYxnQvX1C37dwQFJokjqKc/s1600/masked+women+signicture.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbPafIjc8CGovnMszFtk7vWVCDBK2jM33uX4YfVMXQWGlT04iP5CcYHOh8EFucvWnunG-radzehIp-219AccNB2LzVj3JD0Tv84LA-HyV0jkYhfr6vPUqselYxnQvX1C37dwQFJokjqKc/s1600/masked+women+signicture.png" /></a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-3749075684664238632012-11-12T18:33:00.002-08:002012-11-16T09:18:49.217-08:00Paranoia? Better to be safe then sorry if you ask me.<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
I never trusted guys. Never could really understand the mentality of girls who felt comfortable with them. In fact, I remember growing up I barely trusted some girls. But I considered anyone who trusted a guy to be a fool. In my world trusting a male with anything would be like giving a murderer a knife and saying.. <b>"Hi.. can you please aim right here," </b>as you point to your spine.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-men. In about a few seconds I can judge whether or not a person is trust worthy, and not to toot-my-own-horn, but I'd say I was pretty good at guessing. Intuition is something Allah blessed me with alhamdulilah. </div>
<div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Whenever a guy would sit next to me or try to talk to me for casual reasons. I'd instantly become paranoid.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>"What does he want??!"</b> my internal voice would scream at me.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
I know I know.. I'm might be laying on a bit much here. But I don't know some part of me, wonders.. well what do I have to offer?</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
I mean.. if he wanted to find a friend, he could have turned to another male who would very much happily talk to him about sports, food, and girls.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
What could talking to little old me possibly benefit him?</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
In a way some would say I'm being extreme.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
No. Being extreme would be if I smacked him across his face and said: <b>"Get away you perv!" </b></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
But I don't. Cause that would be weird and very illegal. So, instead I continue on the conversation. Talk normally. Crack a few jokes here and there. But I always keep my guard up.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
I don't believe that guys and girls can be friends. Its not possible. Especially when your aware of the other persons gender. There is a natural tension there that many of us can deny, but its there. The differences are there too. Though there are exceptions.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
For example some of the guys in my community I grew up with, I only view as brothers. Not muslim brothers. Like legit brother brothers. Yes sheikhs and sheikha's I know.. they're not technically my brothers. But in my world -and their world I am pretty sure- there are 0 possibilites. So their gender has no relevance. In my world its like they're girls. No room for opportunity. Not even halal. Not even <u><b>anything. </b></u></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
But then there are those guys who you sit next to you, and you are very aware of the possibilities. You are very aware of their gender.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Some girls would say,<b> "Well I have some guy friends that I've never been with, never thought of that way." </b></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Well yes.. those are SOME of your guy friends. Not all. You can't apply a specific case, to a general society. You go from the general to the specific. Not vice versa.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Now I'm not saying view every guy you meet as an opportunity. That's wrong. You should be doing the opposite.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
View every guy as if there is no opportunity unless he wants to marry you. Because last time I checked that is the initial goal. If you ask me dating is just a long wasteful period of the inevitable. Which is you last or you don't.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
And here's a fact ladies: you may not being viewing every guy as an opportunity, but I can bet you my life savings, a lot of them are looking at you thinking: <b>"Well hello there, lottery ticket." </b></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Don't be an opportunity. Be a human.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Because that's what you are.</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
Salams</div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<i>xxComplicationsxx</i></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-34582499516658946422012-11-09T12:02:00.000-08:002012-11-09T12:24:19.314-08:00I Gotta Crush On You!! No wait--Thats Haram. Isn't it?<br />
<strike><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember my first crush like it was yesterday. </span></strike><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strike><br /></strike>Erks. It didn't really feel like yesterday. In fact, it felt like decades ago. Only because when I get over someone, its done. Like dead. Like never again. Like: <b>OMG</b>.. what the hell was I thinking?!?!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm sure everyone remembers their first crush though. I can't forget it only because I remember how scared I was at the time. Well.. actually.. I wasn't scared. I was <b>terrified</b>. No joke. When my heart would pound really fast the first couple of times; I thought I was either dying or in the midst of having a heart attack. No joke.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, we're gonna call my first crush by the first letter of his name. Which was K.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">K? Good. :P</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in the fourth grade when I realized I had a crush on K. He was smart, funny, popular, not that cute now that I look back, but perhaps I was charmed by the crooked smirk he always had on his face. I'm beginning to notice a trend in all the guys I've liked so far and it turns out they all had a typical smirk.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That sounds pretty creepy on their part and very predictable on mine. -__-"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Moving on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the 4th grade, you don't really know what the hell having a crush really means. I mean your a little kid. In fact, sometimes I question why I had feelings for someone at such a young age. I hope some doctor out there who is reading this right now can confirm for me if that was normal.(doctors please leave a comment.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a 9 year old kids head you just know this: <b>At random times you get really excited for no particular reason. </b>This. Was. Weird.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It took me a couple of days to realize that K was the re-occurring cause of my heart acceleration. I am a slow person in that sense. haha.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I managed to put the pieces together I'd avoid K as much as possible. I was confused and like I said earlier terrified.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I shouldn't be feeling this way at all. Or at least that's what I was told.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Somehow, every time I blog my parents have to be in a post. *rolls eyes*</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In most muslim, or ethnic houses, you always have that parent or (both parents in my case) that when they hear the word "boyfriend," or "girlfriend" on T.V they come rushing into the room with a spatula (usually my mom) and have this look on their face:</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj20rXym0NscO1UvMRLstSD-PysIK99Us8XjdLHH7QV4xPOXpKQR_GP8MZMAiERjUFlhqjtmbV4d27W5s12CxTHGJsUittiWeaN0tyPaIyEKSGE-vhvg68Ai9G_UDqoItqz4W9iX6loezIb/s1600/angry+mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj20rXym0NscO1UvMRLstSD-PysIK99Us8XjdLHH7QV4xPOXpKQR_GP8MZMAiERjUFlhqjtmbV4d27W5s12CxTHGJsUittiWeaN0tyPaIyEKSGE-vhvg68Ai9G_UDqoItqz4W9iX6loezIb/s400/angry+mom.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><b><span style="color: white;">BOYFRIEND???</span></b><br />
<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To avoid this problem, many of us western Muslim kids do a couple of the following things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1) Change the channel when you can see that the t.v episode is going to be talking about love. In a Muslim household we deem the episode or the show in general "bad," "haraam," or in Somali for those of you who speak it "ceeyb" (embarrassingly wrong.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2) If its just a moment of the word, some of us will either cough really loudly whenever the word is said or change the channel for that particular time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3) If you wanna be a badass, then you wouldn't change the channel until you hear your mom/dad coming.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I was younger we'd never even watch shows like that in fear of what our parents would say. But I can't lie, when we got older we'd be like whatever. Our logic was:<i> Its not like we're dating anybody, so what was the harm?</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My parents and other Muslim parents mean well. I mean T.V is very persuasive. Otherwise I'd never get hungry when I see a pizza commercial, or want to be as beautiful as Emma Watson (which is impossible because we don't even have the same features at all). So we all know T.V does affect our minds. Especially the vulnerable-still-developing-mind of a young kid/pre-teen. Studies and psychologists can agree with this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And since in Islam, there is no such thing as boyfriend/girlfriend, my parents didn't want us getting any <b>"ideas." </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b>So they'd get very panicky when they'd see us watching stuff that even mentioned the word.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So let me break down to you, what my nine-year old self thought at the reaction of my parents.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Liking someone like the way they did on t.v was bad + I have a crush on K= <b>OMG I'M HARAM.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I laugh right now looking back, but I remember thinking how terrified I was. <i>"Allah cure me of my disease!!"</i> I use to say.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I never told my parents. I couldn't bear the thought of them thinking that somehow T.V was to blame for all this, and I liked t.v a lot. So in the name of T.V I kept my silence.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Though it was hard. I silently admired K from a far. It was easy because I'd dodge him all the time. Then came the day, my teacher said those words that I really didn't need to hear.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Teacher to K:<i> "That's it... you pack up your stuff and move from there. Your too distracted with you friends. Move over here and sit next to xxcomplicationsxx" </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On the outside I had a really calm face. But what was happening inside was a much very different picture.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgszthhuVOCFo6GWyt2uyJkZnMklt_osLxe__xodQv0sXs89rLFPJOUdDz6EEZOl-A9LilT2gSz4Fi-DPVd9PNsh5nz6rDs45LoSbtcml4jAZiJ0RogDtKlvYXT_F4Ou29Z8K-W7fuvwr2D/s1600/excited.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgszthhuVOCFo6GWyt2uyJkZnMklt_osLxe__xodQv0sXs89rLFPJOUdDz6EEZOl-A9LilT2gSz4Fi-DPVd9PNsh5nz6rDs45LoSbtcml4jAZiJ0RogDtKlvYXT_F4Ou29Z8K-W7fuvwr2D/s400/excited.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: white;">OMG he's gonna sit next to me! YAY!</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3RvWDyBmDJ7bYl3t7xaDOYxzShPHd9Gsmuod1ySyGQOUEFxYjrXqbIpKNaHu3q7kPgYDkEyYGFfeY_eysBkolhyphenhyphenmc20UqsVZqhAw1u09AIL66iYXjrcj_EuJBzb-vXoq2g3tkhtiUYYqk/s1600/realization.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3RvWDyBmDJ7bYl3t7xaDOYxzShPHd9Gsmuod1ySyGQOUEFxYjrXqbIpKNaHu3q7kPgYDkEyYGFfeY_eysBkolhyphenhyphenmc20UqsVZqhAw1u09AIL66iYXjrcj_EuJBzb-vXoq2g3tkhtiUYYqk/s400/realization.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: white;">Realization hits.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZA7nQPMot9q1MJ9jKSzxlrvUvsFTDl4oa22jh99lV1jTcbTTUesBhLoGq4GZWSpDf_IBuZ53ScMqkXUZNGWC-8nUT4KgBkSOCZXvdNtv6ofHrbDWOnTseA43TjmG_c2rVUqhUzp_cdkV/s1600/deep+breathing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZA7nQPMot9q1MJ9jKSzxlrvUvsFTDl4oa22jh99lV1jTcbTTUesBhLoGq4GZWSpDf_IBuZ53ScMqkXUZNGWC-8nUT4KgBkSOCZXvdNtv6ofHrbDWOnTseA43TjmG_c2rVUqhUzp_cdkV/s400/deep+breathing.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: white;"><b>OMG BREATHE BREATHE!!!</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Imagine how fast all those emotions were inside my head. haha. I could have explained it. But pictures tell emotions sometimes better than words.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As he took his seat next to me, I sat more rigidly. Posture straight, trying to breath through my nose. I begged God for some help with this internal battle, and I cursed Satan for making me feel this way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As the teacher turned back to face the board, I could feel K turn his attention towards me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Lord have mercy." </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Minutes pass, and just as I was about to turn my head to look at what he was doing, I felt a crumpled piece of paper hit the back of my head. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which started a beautiful relationship of me being a paper wastebasket. Sad. I know. In the sixth grade he sat next to me again and did the same exact thing. It was quite annoying.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Looking back, its not K I really think about, though I do laugh at the memory from time to time. Instead what troubles me was my inability to tell someone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The reason, so many Muslim kids go behind their parents back and start dating is simple.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The feelings can become <b>overwhelming</b>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Dear Muslim parents,</u> don't act like you haven't had liked someone previously in your life before you met your wife/husband. You tell us kids, <b>"no boyfriends. Its haram."</b> But you didn't even give us a damn heads up or a reason!! Let's be honest, whenever you tell someone <b>"its haram," </b>the first thing that pops into their head is: <i>"why?"</i></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now imagine if your a young person, who sees that his mom/dad get pissed at the word boyfriend/girlfriend. They'd tsk and shake their heads. Who in their right mind would ask them: <b>"Mommy why is it haram?"</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you were brave enough to ask this give yourself a pat on the shoulder. I chickened out. But if you asked this question and they just repeated one of the following: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Its haram."</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Allah doesn't like it."</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Its wrong." </span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Smack yourself afterwards, because you failed. Allah (swt) has a good reason for why he restricts things. And that wasn't a sufficient enough answer. Now I get it if you were 10 or 11. But if you're like 13 or 14, I think you were mature enough to be told the reason. I mean, by that time we already knew what sex was, (here in the West) due to sex education classes, much to the disappointment of every Muslim parent. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>"Never believe the crap they teach you in health class,"</b> my dad would tell me. <b>"In fact if your gonna skip a class, I'd say skip that class."</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Muslim parents like to pretend, that you don't know what any of this stuff is. And you have to go along with it. Pretending to be <i>"innocent."</i> When in all reality our teachers were telling us that if we're gonna have sex use protection. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's funny, because parents have no clue what goes on in school, yet they think they know everything. And then they act all shocked when they see their daughter or son dating someone. If you actually gave your kid room to talk about stuff like this, you'd prevent them from doing a lot of haram. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not saying you have to have a huge open discussion about sex with your mom when your 15 or older. No, I don't really think that's necessary. But its cool if you already have. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I think your mom should clarify that love is halal. So long as it is done the correct way. And I honestly wish someone told me that "liking someone" was normal so I didn't panic half the time thinking Allah would punish me for this. I wish someone would answer the why in: <b>why is having a relationship outside of marriage such a bad thing? </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alhamdulilah I figured a lot on my own (cause I'm smart like that:*humble brag*) but I think a lot of kids are either not so... cautious... or just don't care. And a lot of the time, they turn to look at their friends for guidance. Depending on the friend in question, that person can be persuaded into haraam or into good. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parents? They never like anything fun. So that's not even an option. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The simple mentality of a teen/kid. Heck even some<b> "adults."</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, I'm not going to go into detail why having a boyfriend/girlfriend is haram in Islam just yet, but stick around and I just will inshallah. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Its funny cause when my dad would lecture me about love/marriage he would always say: <b>There is a time and place for everything. Now is not the time. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm 19 years old now, and so are my friends. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And honestly with so much fitna around... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'd say now is the time . </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Inshallah. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Salams. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>--xxComplicationsxx</i></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-87889704017919960502012-11-09T11:42:00.000-08:002012-11-09T11:51:26.098-08:00The Struggle To Get To The Beginning: Marriage. <br />
Now that I am getting older, I feel as though I do not see any role models when it comes to marriage especially in the Muslim community. I mean you rarely hear people going about finding a spouse in a halal way.<br />
<br />
I know some brown people are going to come to this post and snap there finger in z formation and hip rotation and say <b>" UH excuse me, us brown people do it right, we get our aunty to find a spouse for us."</b><br />
<br />
Well, truth is for other sisters this is not common practice in their culture, like mine. They go off on their own trying to find someone. Our parents just expect that we will just find a person and bring that person to meet them. So the responsibility is on us. Majority of the time these sisters just end up "dating" forgetting the entire purpose is for marriage. This doesn't only apply to Muslims who aren't even practicing. Practicing Muslims who pray 5 times a day, don't eat pork, read the Quran seem to think that dating is okay if you are looking for a husband. Even in my MSA (Muslim Student Association) people are dating. I didn't believe it at first but it does exist in the Muslim community. By the way just to tell you, there is no such thing as <b>"Halal Dating."</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
What makes this all the more worse is that hijab itself has now become stylish. Not that wearing a nice coloured hijab is a bad thing. Thats not what I mean.<br />
<br />
Lets use an example to clarify what I mean.<br />
<br />
You are a Muslim brother.<br />
<br />
You see two girls.<br />
<br />
<b>First girl:</b> Plain black hijab. Black Abaya. Baggy sweater (if its cold). Backpack. Sneakers. Her face ain't sayin a lot either. No make-up. Probably looks tired from staying up late for no apparent reason.<br />
<br />
<b>Second girl:</b> Make up done. Bracelets decorate her wrists. Beautiful pashmina hijab. Hijab worn in a stylish manner -clearly looks like she has a hijab tutorial channel, or watches one- Long top, covering half of her bell bottom/skinny jeans. Or maybe she's wearing one of those maxi skirts. Basically she looks like she's made for a runway.<br />
<br />
Now lets be honest. Who would you notice?<br />
<br />
Don't lie bros. Heck, even us girls notice the second hijabi. Our shaytaan makes us feel envious at how beautiful she looks.<br />
<br />
But then a part of us knows, that if a man can find us attractive in a plain abaya and hijab. He can find us attractive in anything.<br />
<br />
Too bad many of these brothers don't exist. I mean its hard enough, being plain in a world where fashion is a must. Otherwise your categorized as a plain Jane.<br />
<br />
Yet if people actually took the time to get to know us plain girls. They'd see all sorts of colours.<br />
<br />
But nobody really does.<br />
<br />
Imagine. xxcomplicationsxx, maskedwoman, and I don't want to date. And we don't want to be blatantly noticed for our looks. Yet we want to get married.<br />
<br />
This is gonna be mad hard. We're all so confused. We don't even know the process of how this is gonna work. How do we attract a someone with just being ourselves?<br />
<br />
But then again we realize: <u>Hey. That's the whole point! </u><br />
<br />
We want to be loved for ourselves. We hope someone we'll just see the beauty in us for just being us.<br />
<br />
I know some of you may be thinking:<i> "Well how am I going to get know someone.. without dating him?"</i><br />
<br />
<i>How do you even approach someone you think you could be a good match with?</i><br />
<br />
So many questions. In some way we are lost ourselves.<br />
<br />
But that being said, we know what we want. We know what to do to get there.<br />
<br />
Inshallah, with Allah's help, and by staying true to His rules; Allah will bless us.<br />
<br />
Well, I hope from this blog you will see that it is possible to keep things halal when it comes to love. Hopefully from our struggles and inshallah our accomplishments, you and I will see that anything is possible.<br />
<br />
-<i>Bitter.Sweet</i><br />
<br />
<br />Bitter.Sweethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235439559884298967noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4926530181627100518.post-79806958231068199612012-11-06T21:06:00.000-08:002012-11-24T21:21:53.124-08:00A Muslim Cinderella Story.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Cinderella lived happily ever after.<br />
<br />
Like the cold betraying friend she was, she didn't give the rest of us ladies a heads-up. Nope she just walked on with her man, waving goodbye at the rest of us suckers to sit there and grin in a fake way and say <b>"OMG, I am so happy for her!" </b><br />
<br />
While the green eyed monster eats at our soul, making us wish that we could be that happy girl in the white dress.<br />
<br />
Cinderella not only gave us the cold shoulder, she lied. Or at least the person who wrote the story did.<br />
<br />
Love is not as easy as getting some guy to see you, dance with you, than getting him to chase you round the whole damn country trying to fit other chicks fat feet into your shoe. (ewww.. by the way.)<br />
<br />
Worst part is, Cinderella ain't even Muslim. This girl got no idea how hard it is to get a Prince with a scarf tied around your head and a huge gown covering them hips, and every asset you have, only leaving him to be mesmerized by your plain (make-up free) face?<br />
<br />
And we all know how guys are like. Or at least how we women think they're like.<br />
<br />
The pressure is real, and Cinderella left us in the dust.<br />
<br />
Oh my bad. Your right. Cinderella's just a story.<br />
<br />
But there are cinderella's we see everyday in our lives. It could be our mom's best friend's daughter, a friend, a cousin, our sister even. Don't matter who it is, we all want a taste of what happily ever after feels like.<br />
<br />
My name is xxcomplicationsxx. My friends, BitterSweet, MaskedWomen, Miss moonlitdesert and I are on a mission. *insert badass music here*<br />
<br />
We're on a mission to find our princes. The other half to our lives, and our deen. We're here to make it all happen.<br />
<br />
While simultaneously writing down all the stupid, crazy things we get into mixed in with our stupid crazy thoughts that we hope y'all receive beneficial information from while remaining slightly entertained.<br />
<br />
Did I mention something else?<br />
<br />
We're gonna do it all in the <b>halal</b> way. You heard us.<br />
<br />
Challenge has been Accepted.<br />
<br />
CIAO.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">- <i>Miss </i></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>xxcomplicationsxx, Miss BitterSweet, Miss MaskedWomen</i>, <i>Miss moonlitdesert</i></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3