New Years Resolutions: Half Your Deen... No Your Other Half

I am not sure about you ladies but us three pretty much LOVE fairy tales. Now most of us dream about the day we will get married to that Mr.Right and everything will be perfect. Or want him to appear right away. Some girls are actively searching while others are just waiting for him to appear. Not only must you be emotionally and mentally ready for marriage, you must have at least have some sort of foundation. I do not mean cooking/cleaning (which is important too, but easy to learn).

While chasing for half your deen, don't forget the other half.

If you are having trouble praying on time or praying at all you shouldn't be thinking about marriage just yet! Work on perfecting your salah. We are not perfect, but there is always room for improvement somewhere in our life. Sometimes we are so worked up about getting married we forget we should focus on ourselves first. Not only will working on ourselves benefit us in the long run, it will also help us keep our minds off marriage like  if you cannot get married yet due to many factor that I do not want to guess. I complied small list of things we can work on in the meantime. Just a reminder remember to keep the right intentions. Please do no make intentions of doing your prayers for your husband or anything like that make sure you are doing this to please Allah swt only :)

Here we go:

[   ] Praying on time http://productivemuslim.com/start-here/

[   ] Memorizing x amount of number of the Quran and the meaning

[   ] Stop listening to music

[   ] Improve Manners 

[   ] Eat healthier  (This can be hard. Try preparing you meal a head of time)

[   ] Exercise      (10 Minute Trainer try exercising 10 minutes a day)

[   ] Learn some new stuff 

[   ] Attend Sister Halaaqas once a week

[   ] Save money ( If you are finished school and are working currently save for Ummrah or hajj)

[   ] Donate ( Make it a habit, have a jar in your house or room and put a dollar daily or spare change)

[   ] Watch less t.v, movies, Netflix, anime, Bollywood, Korean dramas, talking on the phone etc/

[   ] Learn to cook ( You think I wouldn't mention this)

[   ] Learn to be a efficient in house keeping. This can be organizing your home, start from your room. 

What a friend and I like to do is compete, it makes things more fun. We are more likely to get things done. TELL PEOPLE. Tell people you are going to do a certain task because if you tell people you are more likely to do it. 

Be the best you, you can be! 

Remember that after marriage you wont change, but your marriage status. You wont suddenly the best version of you, it comes work and commitment even after marriage. 

Fun Tidbit: Apparently it take 21 days consistently doing something to become a habit!

-BitterSweet 

Do not forget your intentions :)

Dating vs Marriage (part 2)

Your out to buy a used car. You arrive at the dealership place, only to fall in love with a specific car. The car however is out of your price range and the only way you could afford it is to take some sort of loan. Something that in the beginning you said would be "out of the question for you."

The car dealer says to you: "Go ahead take it for a spin." 

At that point, you decide "Okay, I guess I'll test it out see if I like it or not."

Getting into the car, you touch the leather seats, play with the radio, glance at the mirrors and you start to feel yourself weakening in your initial decision.

The car dealer's main interest is getting you to buy the car. He doesn't care what happens to you after the sale is complete. It's no longer his business.

His reasoning for letting you take the car out for a test-drive wasn't so that you'll make a rational, logic decision, but rather an emotional one. As you sit in that car, you are no longer thinking about its price, or how much debt you will be in, or how loan's involve interest and interest is haram. None of that compares to the feeling in your heart as you sit behind that wheel.

The reason why Allah (swt) makes dating haram, is because there is no "test-drive," period. A test drive doesn't allow for one, to make a rational decision. Though it may appear rational on the outside, it's actually an emotional decision being made for "in the moment." Because all that matters at that moment is how you feel.

Male: I like you. I want to be with you.

Female: Okay!

What he's isn't saying is...

Male: I like you enough, to just take you out for a spin, but can't afford to talk to your dad as I am not ready for commitment.

Female: Okay!

When most people go to a car dealership, and realize they can't afford the car they "love" they usually drop it, as reality hits them.

The same, happens in today's society.

Female: When are you going to marry me?

Male: Sorry I don't love you anymore. Don't worry you will find someone better than me.

What he's really saying is...

Male: I can't afford to do this right now, but the test-ride was fun while it lasted. On to the next one I guess.


The funny thing is in both of these situations, usually we go into it knowing what we already want. For example, the person walked into the doors of dealership, knowing what he/she could actually afford and that taking a loan out was out of the question.

Yet when the individual walked in, and after the car dealer whispered a couple of words, to play with his heart, everything he/she had first decided on prior to that meeting flew out the window.

You may be with somebody who is actually completely incompatible, but you are blinded by the emotions you feel, and the whispers of Shaytaan will push you towards an emotional decision, rather than a rational one.

Like the car dealer, Shaytaan doesn't care about what happens to you after the sale goes through. His only mission is to make sure you commit haram, and whatever consequences that comes after that is none of his concern.

Allah (swt) has set these limits so you that you are serious about who you let into your heart/life. This isn't a game. This isn't a test-drive. This is your heart, and you have take better care of it by using your brain to decide.


Salams,

xxComplicationsxx

The Wisdom of Allah (swt)

Ahmad and Sarah were just friends. They were both studying the same major in university, and worked together in the Muslim Student Association. They would meet up sometimes to either study or plan events. Though they both knew it was looked down upon to hang out with the opposite gender, the two thought they're case was different. They're relationship was special. They were just friends. Nothing haram happened between each other. They never touched, or flirted. They just joked and talked. Simple. Nothing haram happening here.

A year went by, and the two continued to enjoy each other's company.

Only one day, Sarah told Ahmad she had a proposal from another guy. And she was considering it.

Suddenly Ahmad's heart stopped. "What?" he cried. "You're looking to get married?"

"Yes!" Sarah said happily.

Ahmad went home that night feeling miserable. It suddenly dawned on him, that he had feelings for Sarah. Where these feelings developed from he had no idea. He loved the way she smiled, the way she laughed at his jokes, the way she teased him innocently, and how she was also so focused.

She was perfect.

But she wasn't his. She couldn't be his. They were just friends!

It was at this point he realized: "There is no such thing as "just friends."

Someone, always get's hurt.

In this case.. it was Ahmad. "I can't live without her," he wailed to his friends. Funny how, only after realizing that he was going to lose her did he realize she wasn't his in the first place. Nor will she ever be his.

Allah (swt) banned building relationships before marriage exactly for this reason. Whether it was intended or not intended, when dealing with members of the opposite gender, there is always a possibility- a chance- where you can get hurt.

You could spend a year getting to know someone, only to realize that it won't work and then when you leave them you suffer emotional withdrawal.

Emotional withdrawal: the phase where you miss the feelings that person brought you. The smiling for no reason, the fast pumping of your heart, the quick intake of breath you have when you see them. The sound your phone makes when you receive a message from them. You miss that feeling. You suddenly may not even remember why you left this person or why it didn't work out.

Sometimes people make the mistake of going back. Telling themselves lies and excuses to run back and make it work with that person.

ex. "You may never find someone like him/her again." 

The truth is you won't. And that's actually a good thing. Because if you find someone exactly like them again, then the result is the same. It won't work.

The smiling for no reason, the heart pumping, the adrenaline rush--- these are just emotions. You'll feel those again someday. You will. Its normal.

But finding the right person to feel that way about is the hard part.

Allah (swt) is saving you from the heartbreak, the waste of time, the effort, the emotional withdrawal. He wants you to save your heart for the right person who will bring you closer to Him.

Be patient my friend. Don't waste time, on building relationships that only end with a roadblock and an empty heart.

Salams,

xxComplicationsxx

The cure to being lonely

Its natural for humans to want to have someone in their life to love them and cherish them. Its something Allah (swt) imbedded within all humans. Ask anyone what it's like being single and they'll say "man.. Mr.Lonely is my theme song right about now." 

I think though what is a huge mistake, is when we let that feeling of loneliness consume us. It spreads all over our hearts, till we feel this huge void. That void affects our confidence, and this visible through different ways.

Take that girl for instance on Facebook or Instagram  who is constantly trying to gain compliments through her likes, and comments. She wants to feel loved.

Take that girl for instance who eats her loneliness away through food which is where the phrase "comfort food" is derived from.

Take that girl for instance who ends up telling herself that the reason she is alone is because she is indeed ugly.

All these examples I've mentioned can lead to a dangerous path. In the end its almost a desperateness. A cry for help. You can allow your pride to deny it all you want. Or you face the facts.

I for one have been there. All those examples I've mentioned? Yup. Been there. Done that.

There comes a point in time where you gotta ask yourself? My heart. Why does my heart feel like this? Will having another person help solve this void?

HELL NO.

Girl, you are barely grasping your own emotions. How are you going to add another person into your life? You don't use fire to take out a fire!! Another person has their own emotions, their own problems and you wanna bear all that?

Today I am going to tell you..yes YOU, how to solve that emptiness.

Its nothing magical. Nothing crazy. Heck it doesn't even require a lot of work if you have the right mindset.

Pray.

Your heart isn't crying out for another man. Your heart isn't crying out to feel loved. Your heart is crying out for its Creator. The longer you deny your heart that right, the lonelier you will feel.

You can't understand what love is until you know the One who created it in the first place. It just doesn't make sense.

Love can't be studied in a book. It can't be grasped by watching a documentary. It can't be held and observed like an tangible object. Its an emotion of the heart, and your trying to find it in places it wasn't meant to be found.

Allah made your heart. Allah made love. Allah made you. Allah loves you, more than your own mother, more than any being on this earth and beyond that.

Love Allah, consistently and you will never feel lonely again. I guarantee that.

Simple.

xxcomplicationsxx

My Worries

Marriage can be a beautiful thing. Women and men being life partners. Being each others other half essentially. I have never been in a relationship before with the opposite sex. Relationships with your family where there is unconditional love is different right? I can never Imagine loving someone let alone romantically. Even though the love between husband and wife is different, from what I hear, it actually sounds very far fetch to me. Don't get me wrong I want it, I just don't know if it's in me.

The farthest I ever felt was a 'crush'. Any guy that I had a crush on to be honest they were practically fictional. For example I liked this guy in my grade 11 class but I soon realized I didn't like him at all. I actually just made it up in my head, his personality, character and everything.
Another issue I have is that I might be a commitment-phobe. I have never had a phone contract for more than two years! Plus the type of guys I like vary after a few years . What if something I like at 2013 is not what I like in 2020? My opinions change a lot and I am scared to make any permanent decisions. I am 19. What I want at 19 is it truly what I want at 25? :s

Anyways, do you guys have any fears relating to marriage?

Yasmin's Corner: Holding an Unfamiliar Hand

You meet someone whom your mind takes to rapidly. It doesn't work out between you two but you can't seem to get over him. You just can't accept the pretext or other justifiable causes. You mull over your options, alternatively, your pride won't let you initiate any contact. But it's your fear of letting yourself feel vulnerable. You do everything within your jurisdiction to have him notice your presence and hope he caves first.

But you feel pathetic and petty. So you stop and pour the white wine on the floor while telling yourself "R.I.P" It's gunna be O.K. Chances are he isn't even your "true love". You disregard any code of behaviour when you know he's "the one". You'll move on. Not all on your own. You'll start to forget about him when you meet a new male. My world revolved around my 9th grade crush. Believe me! 6 years later, my taste developed along with my life.

Just understand that you give your power over to him the more you obsess about him. Yes, keep on clinging on to him. That's normal. But don't ignore the chance to move forward. Especially when you're pseudo-clinging. No, that's sad lol. You were fine before you knew he existed, and you'll sure as hell be fine after he's not in the picture.

Expectations.

Why do we expect males to understand us on an emotional level?

(source)

It's interesting, females complain about males being "hot and cold". Females complain that they want a man to "get you". Drop the hopes and dreams. You'll meet a male who you can talk all day to and will be adequately responsive. You'll meet males who don't really say much and don't understand the concept of "emotionally connecting". Most males fall in to the latter subgroup. It doesn't mean that they're tactless or clueless or "not right for you". It just means that you might have to look at things from his perspective.

Yasmin's Corner: Nada

Nada had it all. It was no secret. Anyone associated with her knew it too. Her creativeness was to thank for her head turning style. Even as a Mohajaba her looks had brothers canoeing down the river of sin. She was beautiful with a body to kill for. She was that female with her hand raised in class answering questions that made its challenge level look like child's play. Despite her social status her head was in the clouds, dreaming of the day she could finally wear her white dress and tell her husband she promises to love him for better or worse. In her final year of high school that dream became a reality. A suitor proposed to her with his credentials in check: graduated from the city's top University with honors in Biochemistry. He was set to enter medical school this upcoming fall. All he needed now was for Nada to say yes and his life was complete. Her mother was ecstatic at the news calling all her friends and inviting them to a wedding that hadn't been set up. Her father, with a grim expression, asked Nada to reconsider. He had the funds for her to enter a University hoping that she would graduate in a couple of years with a degree that would take her places. "What was the point?" she thought. She'd be popping out children anyway, right? She politely declined her father's offer. Did she need to study the laws of thermodynamics when her husband would be giving her a limitless VISA card? She didn't think so. Her father persuaded her to reconsider. She could still be married and pursue an education. Children were a gift of God, it wasn't a promised matter. A trivial matter like that should not hold up a girl who's potential could soar through the universe. Her best friends envied her each secretly hating how lucky her life turned out to be while they had to fend for themselves in a cruel unforgiving world. They praised her for not having to worry about finding a husband, that she was extremely lucky to be a young mother. She didn't have to sleep lonely nights without shedding a tear because everybody was getting married while she was not. She was now one of the masses. Wedding day came and it was just as she imagined it, if not better. Her husband looked handsome in his suit while she was breath taking in her white lace dress. They looked into each others eyes, imaging the world of possibilities between them. Everybody around her smiled wholeheartedly, happy for the girl who now had it all. Eventually, her friends went back to school each pursuing a degree in their preferred fields. They caught up with each other often talking about their lives, gossip, and weekend getaways. They were also planning a party, celebrating the pregnancy of their dear friend Nada. They sat there throwing out names at random for her future boy or girl. Time came and left. Her husband was now a family practitioner and Nada was now a mother to a handsome three year old boy. She was also pregnant, hoping to give birth to a girl. Meanwhile, her friends were finishing up their undergraduate's. Each hopefully pursuing a spot in Law school, Dentistry, Medical school, and even teachers College. Aisha the future Barrister was now engaged to a brother from Tunisia. One by one these girls were all next in line to celebrate their engagements. Nada was all happy for her friends, but she felt a tinge of bitterness, a voice in her head told her that could have been her. She could have been married to her husband and pursue a career. In fact she was sure that she would have held a prestigious rank in a bank by now. Though it was too late she was now 25 and her life had already moved on. She had responsibilities as a mother. Surely she couldn't dwell on the past? But poor Nada, that was all that consumed her. The once loving wife now became bitter, she hated her husband for proposing to her earlier than he should have. Didn't he have the decency to wait? He took the brunt of her worst, never uttering a sentence that could cause her to explode. Instead he stayed away from their home, now almost a stranger to his wife and children. The jealousy of her friends lives drove her to taste blood in her mouth, biting her tongue when she heard they were taking maternity leave to give birth to their child. Still, she smiled giving the customary congratulations, buying baby clothes when ever the occasion called. One afternoon Nada was sitting beside her husband with his arm over her seeking to comfort her. She was trembling uncontrollably her eyes red from crying. She was tired, unimaginatively tired. Her kids demanded so much from her and sometimes she couldn't give them what they wanted. Her husband only demanded one thing, but she would rather die than give him what he wanted. He was concerned with the future of her and their children, but his choice was final. He wanted a divorce. But at that moment Nada wasn't crying because of a silly signature on a paper. She was crying because she should have listened to her father all those years ago. Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.

Yasmin's Corner: The Best Is Yet To Come

"You can’t expect to find the right someone until you know who you are, what matters to you, and what makes your heart happy."

This is the essence of a life partner. I cringe at the thought of making that decision at 22 or 23. Who you are at 19 isn't who you will be at 23, and who you are at 23 will not be whom you become at 26.  Most importantly what makes my heart happy today, will force my past to haunt me. I always wonder whether I will be happy spending my life with another individual? Will I have room to welcome this person to share my life, know my secrets, have access to me at my most exposed moment both physically and emotionally. Am I ready to open myself up  to this person? You have to trust this individual with your life.

Some females believe that the man they want to associate themselves with is just there to have around and do recreational activities with. They're comforted with this individual because someone finally believes she's beautiful. This is their cuddle muffin, the individual that believes she can do no wrong, and the individual that proves they were worth something. Some females aren't exposed to the opposite sex, they aren't socially calibrated to understand that he cannot give them the inner happiness they truly seek. Some females throw their hearts to any man who walks by hoping that he can do something with it that she can't. When will these women realize that he's more clueless about her heart than she is? No one can take better care of their own heart than they can (unless life were like Pokemon, handing over your heart to the PokeCenter every time it gets hurt).

It took me a long time to understand an individual is the own key to his or her own happiness. Females allow the words of a deadbeat to make her smile. Females allow themselves to associate with abusive male counterparts.

What I wonder is, when will a females mind change? What makes her happy today might not make her smile tomorrow.  At 20 years old will I be able to allow what constitutes as my husband? At 15 I wrote a list of what type of male I would allow in my life. What was interesting about that list is that it made more sense than a list of criteria I wrote at 17. Now, at 19 I cannot relate to either one because I don't know what I want. As a human develops, new knowledge cancels out old knowledge. However, it doesn't mean old knowledge isn't better for oneself.  This brings out the question of how well do you know yourself?