Saturday, January 12, 2013

Yasmin's Corner: Holding an Unfamiliar Hand

You meet someone whom your mind takes to rapidly. It doesn't work out between you two but you can't seem to get over him. You just can't accept the pretext or other justifiable causes. You mull over your options, alternatively, your pride won't let you initiate any contact. But it's your fear of letting yourself feel vulnerable. You do everything within your jurisdiction to have him notice your presence and hope he caves first.

But you feel pathetic and petty. So you stop and pour the white wine on the floor while telling yourself "R.I.P" It's gunna be O.K. Chances are he isn't even your "true love". You disregard any code of behaviour when you know he's "the one". You'll move on. Not all on your own. You'll start to forget about him when you meet a new male. My world revolved around my 9th grade crush. Believe me! 6 years later, my taste developed along with my life.

Just understand that you give your power over to him the more you obsess about him. Yes, keep on clinging on to him. That's normal. But don't ignore the chance to move forward. Especially when you're pseudo-clinging. No, that's sad lol. You were fine before you knew he existed, and you'll sure as hell be fine after he's not in the picture.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Expectations.

Why do we expect males to understand us on an emotional level?


It's interesting, females complain about males being "hot and cold". Females complain that they want a man to "get you". Drop the hopes and dreams. You'll meet a male who you can talk all day to and will be adequately responsive. You'll meet males who don't really say much and don't understand the concept of "emotionally connecting". Most males fall in to the latter subgroup. It doesn't mean that they're tactless or clueless or "not right for you". It just means that you might have to look at things from his perspective.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Yasmin's Corner: Nada

Nada had it all. It was no secret. Anyone associated with her knew it too. Her creativeness was to thank for her head turning style. Even as a Mohajaba her looks had brothers canoeing down the river of sin. She was beautiful with a body to kill for. She was that female with her hand raised in class answering questions that made its challenge level look like child's play. Despite her social status her head was in the clouds, dreaming of the day she could finally wear her white dress and tell her husband she promises to love him for better or worse. In her final year of high school that dream became a reality. A suitor proposed to her with his credentials in check: graduated from the city's top University with honors in Biochemistry. He was set to enter medical school this upcoming fall. All he needed now was for Nada to say yes and his life was complete. Her mother was ecstatic at the news calling all her friends and inviting them to a wedding that hadn't been set up. Her father, with a grim expression, asked Nada to reconsider. He had the funds for her to enter a University hoping that she would graduate in a couple of years with a degree that would take her places. "What was the point?" she thought. She'd be popping out children anyway, right? She politely declined her father's offer. Did she need to study the laws of thermodynamics when her husband would be giving her a limitless VISA card? She didn't think so. Her father persuaded her to reconsider. She could still be married and pursue an education. Children were a gift of God, it wasn't a promised matter. A trivial matter like that should not hold up a girl who's potential could soar through the universe. Her best friends envied her each secretly hating how lucky her life turned out to be while they had to fend for themselves in a cruel unforgiving world. They praised her for not having to worry about finding a husband, that she was extremely lucky to be a young mother. She didn't have to sleep lonely nights without shedding a tear because everybody was getting married while she was not. She was now one of the masses. Wedding day came and it was just as she imagined it, if not better. Her husband looked handsome in his suit while she was breath taking in her white lace dress. They looked into each others eyes, imaging the world of possibilities between them. Everybody around her smiled wholeheartedly, happy for the girl who now had it all. Eventually, her friends went back to school each pursuing a degree in their preferred fields. They caught up with each other often talking about their lives, gossip, and weekend getaways. They were also planning a party, celebrating the pregnancy of their dear friend Nada. They sat there throwing out names at random for her future boy or girl. Time came and left. Her husband was now a family practitioner and Nada was now a mother to a handsome three year old boy. She was also pregnant, hoping to give birth to a girl. Meanwhile, her friends were finishing up their undergraduate's. Each hopefully pursuing a spot in Law school, Dentistry, Medical school, and even teachers College. Aisha the future Barrister was now engaged to a brother from Tunisia. One by one these girls were all next in line to celebrate their engagements. Nada was all happy for her friends, but she felt a tinge of bitterness, a voice in her head told her that could have been her. She could have been married to her husband and pursue a career. In fact she was sure that she would have held a prestigious rank in a bank by now. Though it was too late she was now 25 and her life had already moved on. She had responsibilities as a mother. Surely she couldn't dwell on the past? But poor Nada, that was all that consumed her. The once loving wife now became bitter, she hated her husband for proposing to her earlier than he should have. Didn't he have the decency to wait? He took the brunt of her worst, never uttering a sentence that could cause her to explode. Instead he stayed away from their home, now almost a stranger to his wife and children. The jealousy of her friends lives drove her to taste blood in her mouth, biting her tongue when she heard they were taking maternity leave to give birth to their child. Still, she smiled giving the customary congratulations, buying baby clothes when ever the occasion called. One afternoon Nada was sitting beside her husband with his arm over her seeking to comfort her. She was trembling uncontrollably her eyes red from crying. She was tired, unimaginatively tired. Her kids demanded so much from her and sometimes she couldn't give them what they wanted. Her husband only demanded one thing, but she would rather die than give him what he wanted. He was concerned with the future of her and their children, but his choice was final. He wanted a divorce. But at that moment Nada wasn't crying because of a silly signature on a paper. She was crying because she should have listened to her father all those years ago. Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Yasmin's Corner: The Best Is Yet To Come


"You can’t expect to find the right someone until you know who you are, what matters to you, and what makes your heart happy."
This is the essence of a life partner. I cringe at the thought of making that decision at 22 or 23. Who you are at 19 isn't who you will be at 23, and who you are at 23 will not be whom you become at 26.  Most importantly what makes my heart happy today, will force my past to haunt me. I always wonder whether I will be happy spending my life with another individual? Will I have room to welcome this person to share my life, know my secrets, have access to me at my most exposed moment both physically and emotionally. Am I ready to open myself up  to this person? You have to trust this individual with your life.

Some females believe that the man they want to associate themselves with is just there to have around and do recreational activities with. They're comforted with this individual because someone finally believes she's beautiful. This is their cuddle muffin, the individual that believes she can do no wrong, and the individual that proves they were worth something. Some females aren't exposed to the opposite sex, they aren't socially calibrated to understand that he cannot give them the inner happiness they truly seek. Some females throw their hearts to any man who walks by hoping that he can do something with it that she can't. When will these women realize that he's more clueless about her heart than she is? No one can take better care of their own heart than they can (unless life were like Pokemon, handing over your heart to the PokeCenter every time it gets hurt).

It took me a long time to understand an individual is the own key to his or her own happiness. Females allow the words of a deadbeat to make her smile. Females allow themselves to associate with abusive male counterparts.

What I wonder is, when will a females mind change? What makes her happy today might not make her smile tomorrow.  At 20 years old will I be able to allow what constitutes as my husband? At 15 I wrote a list of what type of male I would allow in my life. What was interesting about that list is that it made more sense than a list of criteria I wrote at 17. Now, at 19 I cannot relate to either one because I don't know what I want. As a human develops, new knowledge cancels out old knowledge. However, it doesn't mean old knowledge isn't better for oneself.  This brings out the question of how well do you know yourself?
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