I Gotta Crush On You!! No wait--Thats Haram. Isn't it?

I remember my first crush like it was yesterday. 

Erks. It didn't really feel like yesterday. In fact, it felt like decades ago. Only because when I get over someone, its done. Like dead. Like never again. Like: OMG.. what the hell was I thinking?!?!

I'm sure everyone remembers their first crush though. I can't forget it only because I remember how scared I was at the time. Well.. actually.. I wasn't scared. I was terrified. No joke. When my heart would pound really fast the first couple of times; I thought I was either dying or in the midst of having a heart attack. No joke.

Anyway, we're gonna call my first crush by the first letter of his name. Which was K.

K? Good. :P

I was in the fourth grade when I realized I had a crush on K. He was smart, funny, popular, not that cute now that I look back, but perhaps I was charmed by the crooked smirk he always had on his face. I'm beginning to notice a trend in all the guys I've liked so far and it turns out they all had a typical smirk.

That sounds pretty creepy on their part and very predictable on mine. -__-"

Moving on.

In the 4th grade, you don't really know what the hell having a crush really means. I mean your a little kid. In fact, sometimes I question why I had feelings for someone at such a young age. I hope some doctor out there who is reading this right now can confirm for me if that was normal.(doctors please leave a comment.)

In a 9 year old kids head you just know this: At random times you get really excited for no particular reason. This. Was. Weird.

It took me a couple of days to realize that K was the re-occurring cause of my heart acceleration. I am a slow person in that sense. haha.

When I managed to put the pieces together I'd avoid K as much as possible. I was confused and like I said earlier terrified.

I shouldn't be feeling this way at all. Or at least that's what I was told.

Somehow, every time I blog my parents have to be in a post. *rolls eyes*

In most muslim, or ethnic houses, you always have that parent or (both parents in my case) that when they hear the word "boyfriend," or "girlfriend" on T.V they come rushing into the room with a spatula (usually my mom) and have this look on their face:

BOYFRIEND???

To avoid this problem, many of us western Muslim kids do a couple of the following things.

1) Change the channel when you can see that the t.v episode is going to be talking about love. In a Muslim household we deem the episode or the show in general "bad," "haraam," or in Somali for those of you who speak it "ceeyb" (embarrassingly wrong.)

2) If its just a moment of the word, some of us will either cough really loudly whenever the word is said or change the channel for that particular time.

3) If you wanna be a badass, then you wouldn't change the channel until you hear your mom/dad coming.


When I was younger we'd never even watch shows like that in fear of what our parents would say. But I can't lie, when we got older we'd be like whatever. Our logic was: Its not like we're dating anybody, so what was the harm?

My parents and other Muslim parents mean well. I mean T.V is very persuasive. Otherwise I'd never get hungry when I see a pizza commercial, or want to be as beautiful as Emma Watson (which is impossible because we don't even have the same features at all). So we all know T.V does affect our minds. Especially the vulnerable-still-developing-mind of a young kid/pre-teen. Studies and psychologists can agree with this.

And since in Islam, there is no such thing as boyfriend/girlfriend, my parents didn't want us getting any "ideas." 

So they'd get very panicky when they'd see us watching stuff that even mentioned the word.

So let me break down to you, what my nine-year old self thought at the reaction of my parents.

 Liking someone like the way they did on t.v was bad + I have a crush on K= OMG I'M HARAM.

I laugh right now looking back, but I remember thinking how terrified I was. "Allah cure me of my disease!!" I use to say.

I never told my parents. I couldn't bear the thought of  them thinking that somehow T.V was to blame for all this, and I liked t.v a lot. So in the name of T.V I kept my silence.

Though it was hard. I silently admired K from a far. It was easy because I'd dodge him all the time. Then came the day, my teacher said those words that I really didn't need to hear.

Teacher to K: "That's it... you pack up your stuff and move from there. Your too distracted with you friends. Move over here and sit next to xxcomplicationsxx" 

On the outside I had a really calm face. But what was happening inside was a much very different picture.

OMG he's gonna sit next to me! YAY!

Realization hits.

OMG BREATHE  BREATHE!!!

Imagine how fast all those emotions were inside my head. haha. I could have explained it. But pictures tell emotions sometimes better than words.

As he took his seat next to me, I sat more rigidly. Posture straight, trying to breath through my nose. I begged God for some help with this internal battle, and I cursed Satan for making me feel this way.

As the teacher turned back to face the board, I could feel K turn his attention towards me.

"Lord have mercy." 

Minutes pass, and just as I was about to turn my head to look at what he was doing, I felt a crumpled piece of paper hit the back of my head. 

Which started a beautiful relationship of me being a paper wastebasket. Sad. I know. In the sixth grade he sat next to me again and did the same exact thing. It was quite annoying.

Looking back, its not K I really think about, though I do laugh at the memory from time to time. Instead what troubles me was my inability to tell someone. 

The reason, so many Muslim kids go behind their parents back and start dating is simple.

The feelings can become overwhelming. 

Dear Muslim parents, don't act like you haven't had liked someone previously in your life before you met your wife/husband. You tell us kids, "no boyfriends. Its haram." But you didn't even give us a damn heads up or a reason!! Let's be honest, whenever you tell someone "its haram," the first thing that pops into their head is: "why?"

Now imagine if your a young person, who sees that his mom/dad get pissed at the word boyfriend/girlfriend. They'd tsk and shake their heads. Who in their right mind would ask them: "Mommy why is it haram?"

If you were brave enough to ask this give yourself a pat on the shoulder. I chickened out. But if you asked this question and they just repeated one of the following: 

"Its haram."

"Allah doesn't like it."

"Its wrong." 

Smack yourself afterwards, because you failed. Allah (swt) has a good reason for why he restricts things. And that wasn't a sufficient enough answer. Now I get it if you were 10 or 11. But if you're like 13 or 14, I think you were mature enough to be told the reason. I mean, by that time we already knew what sex was,  (here in the West) due to sex education classes, much to the disappointment of every Muslim parent. 

"Never believe the crap they teach you in health class," my dad would tell me. "In fact if your gonna skip a class, I'd say skip that class."

Muslim parents like to pretend, that you don't know what any of this stuff is. And you have to go along with it. Pretending to be "innocent."  When in all reality our teachers were telling us that if we're gonna have sex use protection. 

It's funny, because parents have no clue what goes on in school, yet they think they know everything. And then they act all shocked when they see their daughter or son dating someone. If you actually gave your kid room to talk about stuff like this, you'd prevent them from doing a lot of haram. 

I'm not saying you have to have a huge open discussion about sex with your mom when your 15 or older. No, I don't really think that's necessary. But its cool if you already have. 

But I think your mom should clarify that love is halal. So long as it is done the correct way. And I honestly wish someone told me that "liking someone" was normal so I didn't panic half the time thinking Allah would punish me for this. I wish someone would answer the why in: why is having a relationship outside of marriage such a bad thing? 

Alhamdulilah I figured a lot on my own (cause I'm smart like that:*humble brag*) but I think a lot of kids are either not so... cautious... or just don't care. And a lot of the time, they turn to look at their friends for guidance. Depending on the friend in question, that person can be persuaded into haraam or into good. 

Parents? They never like anything fun. So that's not even an option. 

The simple mentality of a teen/kid. Heck even some "adults."

Of course, I'm not going to go into detail why having a boyfriend/girlfriend is haram in Islam just yet, but stick around and I just will inshallah. 

Its funny cause when my dad would lecture me about love/marriage he would always say: There is a time and place for everything. Now is not the time. 

I'm 19 years old now, and so are my friends. 

And honestly with so much fitna around... 

I'd say now is the time . 

Inshallah. 

Salams. 

--xxComplicationsxx