Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do I always attract the wrong guys? Why can't I get a decent Muslim guy, instead of players, creeps, and some fobby guy who constantly wants to 'frandship me' on Facebook?"
In short, be a good Muslim if you want to marry a good Muslim. Remember, "If you want a Muhammad, you've got to be a Khadijah."
Every Muslim girl has pondered over the possible answers to these questions, whether by simply asking her own self, or in the form of a complaint as she sadly leans on the shoulder of her friend while eating out of a box of chocolates. Don't worry, your're not the only girl who suddenly gains calories after giving yourself the title "Forever Alone".
What conclusions are usually drawn concerning this issue? Of course, there are always those girls who will whine, "I'm not as pretty as the other girls" or "I'm too fat/skinny". Most girls are so quick to find faults within themselves if their crush doesn't pay attention to them. Woah, slow down there speed racer, and stop jumping to conclusions! There are several problems with these assumptions:
a) If he doesn't like you solely based on these superficial reasons, he's not even worth your time or consideration.
b) If a guy you like doesn't show interest in you for some reason, accept it and move on. It obviously wasn't meant to be.
c) It's insecurities like these that will completely damage your self-esteem and ruin your prospects of finding a decent man. Be careful, and have a little faith.
But seriously, the single answer to these questions is very simple, although we may not think it is. If you're looking for the perfect man, there is only one solution to this, and that is: be the perfect woman! You may have heard it before, but have you really thought about it?
Let me break it down for you. Let's suppose you want to marry a practicing Muslim brother. You know, one with a nice Sunnah beard, lowered gaze, got that miswaak swag, beautiful reciting voice, and all that jazz. Now let me ask you, what do you think his standards will be like when searching for a wife? Without a doubt, he would want to marry a woman whose level of eman is equivalent (if not higher) to his. You simply cannot expect to marry a brother like this if you barely pray, wear skin-tight clothes, and have Kim Kardashian as your role model. I don't mean to offend, but if you fall under any of those categories, then you, my friend, need a serious reality check.
Let me break it down for you. Let's suppose you want to marry a practicing Muslim brother. You know, one with a nice Sunnah beard, lowered gaze, got that miswaak swag, beautiful reciting voice, and all that jazz. Now let me ask you, what do you think his standards will be like when searching for a wife? Without a doubt, he would want to marry a woman whose level of eman is equivalent (if not higher) to his. You simply cannot expect to marry a brother like this if you barely pray, wear skin-tight clothes, and have Kim Kardashian as your role model. I don't mean to offend, but if you fall under any of those categories, then you, my friend, need a serious reality check.
Marriage is a serious business. You can't just go through life, expecting Mr. Right to fall from the sky if you aren't willing improve yourself (well technically you can, but you will be heavily disappointed). If your level of eman is lower than the earth's core, the type of men you will attract will most likely be the same. Similarly, when your eman is high, the right man will find you, inshaAllah, and actually be serious about spending his life with you by completing half his deen!
Another important thing to note is, never enter a relationship thinking your husband will change you and somehow magically make you more "religious". Yes, he can certainly help, but only to a certain extent. Keep this ayah in mind: Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves (Qur'an, Surat Ar-Ra'd, verse 11). You are in charge of yourself. You have to make the effort.
Another important thing to note is, never enter a relationship thinking your husband will change you and somehow magically make you more "religious". Yes, he can certainly help, but only to a certain extent. Keep this ayah in mind: Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves (Qur'an, Surat Ar-Ra'd, verse 11). You are in charge of yourself. You have to make the effort.
In short, be a good Muslim if you want to marry a good Muslim. Remember, "If you want a Muhammad, you've got to be a Khadijah."
And Allah knows best.
Your sister in Islam,
- moonlitdesert
In regards to a girl beating herself up about a guy not being interested, y'know.... He has a right to reject you if you're not what's right for his life. Just like you're allowed to do the same. If you're not what he's looking for then it's not anything personal. I dislike when girls develop low self-esteem over that :(
ReplyDeletewell it's not that simple. Evil men sometimes marry religious women and vice versa.
ReplyDelete@Anon: If a religious person, were to marry someone evil, perhaps there is a wisdom in that situation that Allah (swt) wants them to see. Sometimes what seems like a punishment may be a test. Regardless if this were to happen, it is never the end of the world, and you should try to be the best you can be regardless of your spouse. At least then you can find peace in knowing that you took responsibility in your actions.
ReplyDeleteThat's my take on it at least.
What if you have been regected by all the men who you ever really liked and you can't help but think you are not worthy enough for those kind of men
ReplyDeleteMy friend, rejection is hard and sometimes it makes us lose confidence in ourselves.
DeleteAllow me to tell you this. In every case like this, doesn't necessarily mean right off the bat, that you are the problem. They're can be various factors here at play that caused them to reject you. Emotionally, spiritually, physically.
Confidence is key. You can only be confident in yourself, when you are proud of the person you are. Men like confidence in a women. However i do NOT want you seeking confidence for the approval of males. If you carry on reading the other posts, many tell you one thing: Improve you for you, and you shall find your other half.
It is not whether or not you are worthy for those kind of men, but if they are worthy for you. If you are proud of yourself as an individual, strengthen your strengths, fix your weaknesses, then they're will not be "those kind of men."
It will be the "kind of men" for you.
You are worthy. This post was not created, to tell you that you are not worthy for said religious guy.
This post was a reminder that if you want a Muhammad (pbuh) you gotta be a Khadija. We are too quick to say "i want that kind of guy," or "this kind of girl," too quick to say what we want, but not quick enough to notice who WE are.
Focus on your character first, before taking on another person. That is all. Hoped that helped.
To be honest, just be yourself. Everything else falls into place. If you're trying to be someone else, it'll never work. Both girls and guys put on a front during the marriage process. You only really know someone when you live with them. And that's the truth!! People change after marriage.
ReplyDeleteI d rather be Aisha
ReplyDelete